2016: It's Been An Odd Year

I wanted to do a more detailed post to the one I did a couple of days ago about 2016. I want to reflect on the past year more with you all. I don't tend to put much of my personal life on here which is good/bad thing. This blog has always been my side project, something that I enjoy doing and would love to have it as my career one day properly. There is a lot that happens behind the scenes of a blog post, from the endless nights that I spend deciding whether to post or not to the actual motivation sometimes to get organised. 

And looking back at 2016, it's been a bit of a year. A lot has changed for me this past year I've ventured into that scary political wide world and faced University and the aspect of meeting new people all over again. I've also found (brace yourself for the cliche) myself. I feel like I am at a point where I mentally and physically feel okay, I feel confident I'm happy with the way I look and I'm ready to carry on with this. This has been an ongoing battle for a lot of years for me so to be where I am currently, I've made a lot of progress.

Anxiety has been another change this year, I haven't gone into a lot of detail on here before about my anxiety but since around the age of 13 I have had a lot of problems dealing with my anxiety. It's always been an ongoing battle for me, from not being able to get out of bed and do anything for a day to not being able to sleep or even little things like not eating properly. But I tried to evaluate my anxiety this year, I went through medication and tried therapy and it just wasn't really hitting the nail on the head. I became really negative towards myself and went into this stage of feeling like I needed someone. That I couldn't do what I want or achieve my goals unless I had someone to motivate me 24/7. I started to rely on my friends for comfort and I honestly feel like they deserve medals after the number of depressing nights they have helped me get through. After wallowing in self-pity for a good couple of months I realised that needing someone else to motivate me is the biggest pile of bullshit I have taught myself. 

My goals and ambitions are mine and nobody else's. Having someone there to help me get to that isn't an essential, if I want to achieve things and feel positive about myself it's only me that can do that. I'm not saying that I am a new refreshed person but after being told a couple of weeks ago that I seem like a really positive and nice person. Everything kinda clicked, I've always been negative to myself yet beyond positive to others. But now the positivity has gotta go back to myself, I can't be wallowing in self-pity 7 days a week any longer. 

Anxiety has always been an issue for me and I want to start sharing my experience and how I deal with it a little more with you guys. I struggle to feel wanted with people and with events such as going out with friends or just going getting something to eat are really difficult things for me to face. I struggle to go out to eat with someone and eat the whole meal incase I look like I'm greedy or fat. My weight has always been an issue of mine and with anxiety on top it becomes a dark and messy situation. 

But if I can manage to help someone out there who is facing similar issues then I would be happy enough to. 

Overall, without getting too deep this past year has been a discovery year for me. I've managed to find myself at a point where I feel good yes there are ups and downs quite often but I'm bouncing back well and i'm quite optimistic with what this year can now bring. I hope you guys have found this post useful and I cannot wait to be back on Wednesday with a post. 

                         Until next time, Chloe!