Bit of a funny word authenticity, especially in today's world where our feeds are consumed with fake promotional adverts and people living off of trends that won't last forever. It's hard to see what's real now and social media is only growing to become more and more of a disoriented reality, the powerful thing with social media is that you can paint whatever reality you want. 

And 2018 really taught me that, it was a very big whirlwind of a year. Mixed with a lot of things it really stripped me to my lowest and highest points. But throughout all of this, I tried to remain my "blogger self" which since scrolling through my Twitter is just a person who won't share their opinion much and won't post much of the bad side to things. It's a shame because I am never the person who stays quiet, my personal twitter and Instagram is filled with my life and I feel like I've held back so much last year. 

It's time for AUTHENTICITY it should be in all caps and painted all across from feed everytime I go to post, it's hard for me to look back at everything that happened last year and be fully proud. I have had so many great blogging moments and I just wish I had thrown my full self into it all, I wanted to take a second to highlight the ups and downs of the past year. If I'm gonna start being authentic I might as well share every detail that happened. We'll go through month by month, so let's get cracking. 

January: Good start to the blogging year, I decided I would post every day which as you can guess drained me after the first two months if you look closely you can see the points where I was at a loss for finding something to post. I took time out to focus on my exams and little did I know I would be going back to my second semester of uni that really changed my perspective on the whole uni thang. Just before the month was over, I took a quick trip to Edinburgh to see my best friend. There was something about this trip that got me feeling more creative. I spent the train journey writing up posts and planning what I wanted to happen in the year and it felt really great. I got to "live in the moment" horrible quote I know, but I genuinely enjoyed my time and managed to capture parts of it as well. Edinburgh did something to me and I knew after this I needed to come again. 

February: What better way to start the second semester than a quick 3 day trip to Budapest, honestly it was one of the nicest places I've visited and I would love to go back again this year and really enjoy the place. Looking back at the photos it makes me so happy, but behind it all, I was struggling to deal with going back to uni and starting the second semester. I felt this overwhelming pressure that I couldn' control, am the kinda person that will keep the worries and everything to one side and make it look like am doing good in there. I remember going for a walk round to clear my head and honestly there's something about being in a foreign country and seeing the different lives and cultures of others that makes you really look at what you're doing. I left that trip wanting to just get through the second year and make my blogging life a lot better. This was also the month I actually enjoyed taking photos and some of my favourite photos I've taken are from this trip. 

March: This month is a blur for me, I remember just being myself really and I got my second helix piercing to add to the collection. I managed to get a few blogging opportunities that really made me grateful to have this blogging space. I finally started to feel credited for what I write on here, I've been doing this for almost 5 years and I've never wanted to do it just for the products or the money it's always been because let's face it I can talk a lot and it's a great place to get it all out. At the end of the month, I went to London for the day and really got to spend a day just focusing on that. I managed to get a ring that I fell in love with and honestly the temptation to go back just for another is a real temptation am struggling to fight. 

April: Now this month took a pretty bad turn for me, it started off so great and I was starting to build up my confidence with photos and getting more outfit shots. But within this month, I had a pretty bad life moment hit me that am going to share one day but for now, I don't feel like it's the right time. It was a very slow process and it took me up until November really to recover and be at a point where I feel better to share what happened and really go into detail. 

May: I was still recovering over what happened and I noticed that I really isolated myself from everyone. I took the time to heal and have time by myself but I knew I wanted to see everyone and just be around people but I had this battle where I just wanted to be by myself and it's not very me because I am such a vocal person and I love to talk to people and spend a lot of time with everyone. On the positive side of this month, I got into getting outfit photos and I worked with a few different people. I got closer with some people. 

June: I finished semester 2 and honestly it wasn't a good semester. I felt a real decline in my mental health and after what had happened in April it really took its toll on me. I spent the time focusing on my blog. 

July: I found out I had to re-sit one of my exams and it really hit me how hard the second semester had been, I was struggling to feel motivated for Uni but once I got my results from my resit it really helped boost my motivation and get me back into the swing. I also decided to go back to Edinburgh and it made my passion for blogging come back again, I got to catch up with my mates and I also decided to go vegetarian !!!

August: It was a month of working and then celebrating my birthday at the end of the month and getting ready to go back into my final year. 

The next few months all fell into one really, filled with gigs getting ready for the final year and just generally getting by. My blogging love drifted in December but after a well deserved Christmas break am ready to come back. 

Am not ready to fully say goodbye to 2018 just yet so I'll be sharing some of the outtakes of photos and posts that never made it into 2018.

Until next time, Chloe! 

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